farters have to be the big spoon...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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