dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
