You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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