barbara walters just said penis...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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