I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
