i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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