last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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