totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Someone came in the potted fern
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
