i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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