Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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