we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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