Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
