it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
