she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
