Buhtt sex?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
