too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
