I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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