hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
