He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
