I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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