I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
