Im at strip club and am horny
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
