i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
