I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I faked an abortion last night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
