I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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