I just made out with a guy for $7.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
