i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Soap is not a condiment
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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