took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
