So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
