he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
