wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
