im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
