How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
