she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
