my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Acid is not a monday night drug
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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