My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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