I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
