i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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