Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
