so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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