Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it because I queefed?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
