new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
