I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You ruined the universe
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