We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
