I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
