I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
