Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
