Screwed.edu
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
