If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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