why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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