She is in my trunk
i need an iv and a liver transplant
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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