Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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