I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
